Where the Wild Things Are

Hey look at me update!

Last week I drove to Austin to see Jars of Clay play with my friends Nick and Bobby. The show was absolutely amazing and they played the majority of their newest c.d. "Good Monsters." If like music, you should definitely check out the c.d. because it is amazing – far and away my favorite album by them with 5 of the songs being off the charts awesome. The song that I am most into right now is the title track (which is my current myspace song), which for some reason reminds me of the children's book "Where the Wild Things Are."

That book was so flippin' scary when I was a kid – but a good kind of scary. And even though the monsters in the book where nice and danced around with the boy it always felt that with the turn of the next page they would decide to use their claws and teeth and just devour the kid leaving behind his bloody tattered wolf pajamas. And the reason I expected them too, was because, well, they're monsters, they're supposed too. They're not supposed to dance around and be nice, I mean they've got claws and teeth and horns – why aren't they using them? I guess it'd be the equivalent of seeing Freddy Kruger wearing khakis and a tie asking his co-workers "Hey, did you guys see 'Lost' last night? What is up with Desmond knowing the future?" or seeing the scary clown from IT playing Halo on Xbox Live and talking about how he pwned some kid with a triple kill. or that black alien thing taking a break from terrorizing spacemen to fill out a "LOL relaitonhsip survayyyy" or a "98% of people won't stand up for God" thing on his myspace. Man if I saw any of those things I'd feel robbed. I mean, those creatures made me wet the bed when I was a kid. I'd hate to see them and those wild things monsters acting so domesticated, so passive, so tamed.

And I guess in a weird sort of way I see a lot of myself and other Christians acting sort of like those wild things. Not to suggest that we should start devouring kids are anything, but it just feels like we all are a little too tamed for our own good. Like we've got these claws and fangs and gifts of the Holy Spirit that just go to waste. And It just seems obvious that we were created for so much more then our everydayness. Our days are supposed to be filled with passion and wonder and community and failure and redemption but instead my days are filled with routine and sudoku. And whenever I get off my butt and do something different or seek out those around me who need love and support, I feel closer to God and alive in real way, but the next day brings boredom and laziness back into the fold. Man, what is wrong with me? I guess we're all just sitting around looking at our claws and fangs and knowing that we are built for something different but we're clueless about how to take those first steps, and honestly, dullness can be pretty attractive because it's easy.

At church I'm a member of a weekly Bible study group, filled with about 25 retirees and me. I know it's awesome. And a few weeks ago we were talking about this story in John 5 about how Jesus is going to Jerusalem and goes to this pool where sick people would lie and whenever the water is stirred people would jump in and the first person in was supposed to be healed. And so, Jesus sees an invalid lying there and asks him if he wants to be healed. Well, the guy responds with "I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me." When we were talking about this I was really blown away by this guy's response, and I know I am reading quite a bit into the story, but I'd figure if Jesus asks if you want to be healed, you just say yes, and you don't offer up an excuse as to why you're not. And as we were reading this I thought about some advantages to being an invalid. Not to say this is true of all people, but if I were an invalid I'd say things like "Mom, I'd love to mow the lawn, but hey, I just can't," or "Get a job? That be great but these darn legs just don't work, now can you turn the channel to something good." And I'm not trying to be insensitive or callous, I am just saying that sometimes it would be nice to have an obvious excuse as to why I'm not who I want to be, because mine are wearing a bit thin. I mean everyday I see people who need help and I say things like "Well, I don't want to get involved." Or I see people hurting and think "I should do something, but I don't know what to say, someone else should go and help them." Or I see the plight of the starving in Africa and my heart hurts and yearns to go and help, but instead I say things like "well, maybe whenever I finally graduate from college."

When honestly, I'm scared of leaving behind all the things I don't need and the safety and comfort of dull routine. And I'm even more scared of doing it alone. I guess what I'm saying is that everyday I think Jesus asks me, and maybe all of us, if we want to be healed and points us toward something hard and difficult and tells us that this is where healing lies. And instead of saying "yes Lord send me," I, and maybe all of us, offer up our own excuses and think next time I'll say yes.

Well I hate this about myself. I hate settling for something easy when my soul longs for something better. I hate being a tamed wild thing, letting evil and suffering ravage this world while I sit comfortably on my couch or being busy to distract myself. And I hate all the excuses I offer up on a daily basis for letting this happen. And well like I mentioned before I don't know what steps I'm supposed to take to change all this. Well I figure I better do something so I called Houston Baptist today to get myself enrolled for their winter quarter, next week I'll go and fill out some paperwork, and it looks like in a few months, after 8 years, I will have a college diploma. I hope all my other excuses would fail so I could just say, "Yes" whenever Jesus asks me if I want to be healed. And may yours fail too.

reading this post will save your life*

I think something we don't talk or think about enough is: Zombies. Seriously, what is up with them? Where do they come from? And why do I end up watching every freaking zombie movie out there even if most of them are total garbage? If we ever encounter zombies in our lifetime, I am pretty confident that I have played enough Resident Evil and watched enough crappy horror flicks that I would survive. Recently, I even saw a gun store near my house and though I have no desire to ever own a gun I made a mental note of where it was, just in case. Yeah that's how prepared for zombies I am - and yes I know i'm insane. But I am concerned for you my faithfuly readers and friends because what would be the fun of me surviving zombies if I've got no friends to hang out with. So here's a test to get you to start thinking about the impending living dead.

Zombie Test

My Score: 73% Official Survivor

And Hey 73% is better then I did in most of my classes for College (I'm just kidding mom - I was a good student).

*by "save your life" i meant "waste your time"

my brush with greatness

Two posts in two days – and who says Christmas only comes once a year.

My friend Nick loves Dave Matthew Band and flew up to Seattle to see them play three concerts in three nights. My love for Caedmon’s Call and Derek Webb might not be quite as impressive as his love for Dave Matthews is, but over three days a few weeks ago, I did get to see my main man Derek Webb play three concerts. I went on Tuesday night at Houston Baptist University with Bonnie and Charles, Wednesday night with three of my High school boys at First Baptist, and again Thursday morning with Lee back at HBU. Wednesday as I wandered aimlessly around huge ol’ First Baptist lost, I saw Derek Webb in a hallway talking to some guys, so I decided to ask him where the concert was. Here’s our conversation:

Me: “hey man where are you playing tonight?”
Derek: “that's the question of the evening; it's in that building over there.”
Me: “thanks - this place is too big for me”
Derek: “ha ha, well it's no Lakewood”
Me: “ok thanks, I'll see you there”
Derek: “bye”

Yeah – I know, quite impressive, you are all very lucky to know me. He ended up playing a lot off his new album Mockingbird releasing December 26th, my mom’s birthday, which deals with issues of social justice. I love his newest stuff and if you’d like to download a recent concert of his where he plays several new songs – send me an IM sometime and I’ll hook you up – I know, you are all very very lucky to know me. One song that I really enjoyed of his is called “Rich Young Ruler” based on the story of well a rich young ruler who comes to talk to Jesus. The story can be found here: Mark 10 – and the lyrics to the song are:

Rich Young Ruler:
poverty
is so hard to see
when it’s only on your TV
or twenty miles across town

where we're all living so good
we've moved out of Jesus' neighborhood
where he's hungry and not feeling so good
from going through our trash

He says more than just
your cash and coin,
I want your time
I want your voice,
I want the things you just can't give me

so what must we do
here in the west we want to follow you
we speak the language and we keep all the rules
even a few we've made up

come on and follow Me
sell your house,
sell your S.U.V.
sell your stocks and your security
and give it to the poor

well what is this?
hey what's the deal?
I don't sleep around and I don't steal
but I want the things you just can't give me
I want the things you just can't give me

because what you do to the least of these
my brothers you have done it to me
I want the things you just can't give me
I want the things you just can't give me

I was really convicted by this song. I know that I am by no means rich, but I still possess much that I am unwilling to turn over to God and to the poor. I suck at tithing; it’s a spiritual discipline that I am simply no good at. I don’t think I’m a hugely selfish or worldly person; I just struggle with giving money consistantly. I think i have been robbing myself of a better relationship with God and others, by this struggle. I mentioned a few posts ago how I cancelled cable and the reason for it. Well, in truth that was only half of the reason. The other half is that I was sick of seeing so much suffering in this world while I cling to something as trivial as television. My neighbors in this world are dying while I selfishly clutched my remote control like a kid crying over a wanted action figure in toys r us. And well I was sick of myself and I wanted to let go of the things of this world and help those who are tremendous need. At the concerts Derek Webb, talked about blood water mission, an organization that drills clean water wells in some of the poorest areas of Africa, where a lack of clean water is killing people every day. I have decided that the $53.00 I would normally spend on cable every month would be better spent by this organization. I am most definitely not writing this so all my friends could think I am a slightly better person – I’m pretty sure I’ve written for that reason in the past, but I hope by now most of you know how much of a poor miserable sinner I can be. I wrote this post because it’s something I am struggling through and I want my friends to hold me accountable too, which I’m not very good at on my own. So please ask me about how sending money in to them is going, because honestly it’ll be harder for me to spend my money selfishly with my reputation on the line. And for those who want more info on Blood Water Mission click here.

Crash

I thought canceling cable was supposed to make me post more, but I guess I think a lot of things most of which don’t turn out as planned. I have started several posts but I end up pausing halfway through them only to never return to writing, so maybe one day I’ll finish those up and you all will get many posts at once. (and by “one day” I mean never)

I saw the movie “Crash” over the weekend with my mom, and then I watched it again the other night with a college group that was staying at our church. Wow – it is an unbelievable movie. I really loved it and if you haven’t seen it I highly recommend it, but be forewarned – it is quite gritty, to say the least. And if you’ve never heard of it – I guess it’s about racism, and our need for other people, and how the worst of us are capable of redemption and the best of us are capable of falling. And I will probably spoil some of the movie during the next paragraph so feel free to skip it.

If you read my last post, you know of my psychotic behavior where I project myself into a character’s situation in a movie and experience what that character is experiencing. Well, in “Crash” the characters that I followed the closest where the two cops played by Matt Dillon and Ryan Phillippe. When the move started, I loathed Matt Dillon’s character, I hated his racism and I was ready to jump through the screen and strangle him. And I loved Phillippe’s character, I felt that if I was in this movie I would be him, and part of me wishes I was a cop too, so my day would have more tangible moments of helping others, but I would always let speeders off the hook because I am a softy who hates discipline. So I guess it’s a good thing I am not a police officer. Anyways, as the movie progresses, I kept on telling myself that I was Phillippe – I would say to myself – “yep, that’s me doing the right thing,” or “hey, look at me trying to help that guy.” And honestly I felt pretty darn good about myself watching the first 3/4s of this movie. Well during Phillippe’s climax scene, where he shoots the black guy, I unfortunately saw myself there too.

I am appalled by overt acts of racism and prejudice; I have been moved to tear by seeing hate crimes on dateline or 60 minutes were people commit atrocities because of the color of one’s skin. But when it comes down to it I have latent prejudices and racist tendencies that are lodged deep in my heart. Though I try to be nice to everyone, I do judge others everyday based on the color of their skin or the clothes that they wear. I assume poor minorities need my pity and rich old white people are selfish and uncaring and I end up robbing people of their dignity by my gross assumptions. I do not love, or look at, others like my brother. I am deeply sorry for this.

Hmm, I wish I had a three-point plan to “fix” these prejudices in myself, but I don’t. I just have my desire to be a good man on one side of my heart and my sinful nature fed by a culture of fear on the other. Sorry, I don’t have great conclusions about myself and racism. I take comfort in the fact that my savior who has loved the people of this world perfectly on my behalf loves and forgives me. And that one day I will be in a world without racism, freely able to love all people as my brother and all our robes will be washed clean in the blood of the lamb.

Cable Boy, my little Cable Boy

I am a daydreamer. I have been for as long as I can remember. When I was in High School I would sit in class and just daydream for most of the day. I would dream about ninjas taking over the school and me having to fight them all off. Or dinosaurs invading San Antonio, I loved Jurassic Park at the time, the book not the movie, I hated that one. Or about nuclear war and me and a few other survivors having to rebuild society. And I think most of these daydreams also involved me getting together with some cute girl. What can I say? I’m a huge nerd. I still daydream, but thankfully my dreams have slightly matured over the years. But my dreams still center in on a few key elements, like me embarking on a great adventure, or heroism, and basically any situation that gets me out of paying bills and has looting. I think this is why I love books, movies, and television that encompass all these ideas. Whenever I read or watch movies, I find it very easy to project myself into the protagonist’s situation and live vicariously through these fictional characters. Recently, I find myself doing this with the television show “Lost.” Whenever I watch it, I feel, if only for an hour, like I am a castaway, trying to rebuild society with the others, having a great adventure, and not having to pay bills and work in an office. And when the episode is over I think “Man, why can’t something cool like a plane crash on a deserted island ever happen to me?!” and yes I know – I’m insane. And I’ve been thinking lately how all my daydreams about adventure always begin with some outside force, like ninjas, nuclear war, or zombies, happening first. And I realize that the chances of those things happening are pretty remote at best, but that doesn’t take away my burning desire to have a better life then the one I’m living. But I always end up doing the same things day after day, week after week. I guess I am just that addicted to cable and the comforts of my couch. And I know that when I do what I’ve always done I get what I’ve always gotten – if that makes sense. So I’ve decided to do something drastic – I cancelled cable. You’re probably thinking “big whoop, you cancelled cable that’s not that big a deal.” Well it is a big deal to me. I’ve never not had cable. Even that period of time when my family was struggling financially, we still had cable. And I spend hours everyday watching crappy shows on cable or just flipping channels. And I’m sick of wasting my life watching “I love the 80’s” on VH1 when there is so much more to life out there. So my plan is that without cable I’ll be forced to read more, post more, maybe even exercise more, and just do more because I’ll be bored at night. We shall see how it goes.

What is most likely to happen though is I’ll end up watching more crappy reality shows on network TV.

If you know what my title is from then you get some e-props from me. See you all in a month.

Upcoming Tours

Derek Webb - Augest 27, 45 minutes from my place - who's coming with me?

And Caedmons Call - September 9th, 30 Minutes from me, I'm bringing my youth group and I need more drivers - who's in?

Man, if only Andrew Peterson were playing in the Houston area soon - that would rule.

Colter is so cool / You take us to the pool

Howdy friends - I went to camp earlier this week and i get to go back tomorrow for a whole week - pretty exciting eh? While I was there on Tuesday, Colter, one of the day camp counselors got sick and I ended up co-counseling his group with my friend Teri. Though the kids had a good time with Teri and I, they kept talking about how much they loved Colter and hoped he would get better so he could go swimming with them that afternoon. We even made him a card that read "Colter is so cool / you take us to the pool / you're the best counselor in the world / even after you've hurled"- which may not be the best poetry ever but it really made me smile. The whole day I was filled with pride, not because of my great counseling and nun chuck skills, but because Colter used to be one of my campers and I was proud of him and the impact he had on these kids after just one day. I had him my last summer at camp as Junior Staff coordinator, and I remembered him skipping our nap time to help out the other JS group in the kitchen, and him crying when he expressed how much he wanted to be the best JS he could be. I remembered his passion for the word of God and his desire to be a pastor when he got older. I am pretty blessed to have more then one of my kids at camp this summer. There are counselors working there that I counseled 5 years ago, Some ex-Junior Staffs that I had mys last summer on staff, and those I worked with as a youth director in Smithville and at Bethany and I was proud of every one of them. The two days I was at camp I got to see my kids loving their kids, my kids leading devotions, and my kids excited about a ministry that I hold very near to my heart. I pretty much don't know anything about the joys and struggles of parenting, but I caught a brief glimpse of what it means to be a father, to be more concerned with their success then with my own, to swell with pride as I say "those are my kids." And the best part is: I get to do it all over again tomorrow.